


Satellites

by ZiggyTheNinja



Series: Isolation (see the state I'm in now) [1]
Category: Voltron: Legendary Defender
Genre: Break Up, M/M, Past Relationship(s), Post-Reflections, Self-Reflection
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-20
Updated: 2018-12-20
Packaged: 2019-09-23 17:07:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/17084312
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ZiggyTheNinja/pseuds/ZiggyTheNinja
Summary: Shiro finds that he can not keep himself distracted long enough.





	Satellites

**Author's Note:**

> In my alternate reality Lotor is part of the Voltron crew because he didn't do anything wrong

He often tried not to think about him. 

Keeping busy helps, and luckily there was always something to keep Shiro busy. Lance always had a problem that needed solving, no matter how small. Hunk was always eager to have someone help him taste his new recipes. Coran was always very happy to have anyone listen to his ramblings, and so on so forth. There were usually technical issues to work on—Be with the Lions or the castle. Even with inventions of Pidge’s, which Shiro has offered assistance with numerous of times, although he’ll always decline work on his arm no matter how much Pidge tries to convince him. If he wasn’t working on fixing machines, he was working with Allura and occasionally Lotor on forming plans to deal with the Galra who refused to back down. When he’s not doing that, he’s training with Keith for hours on end. 

Then there was down time, but even that kept his mind occupied. Usually in moments of relaxation, he was with his team, chatting and laughing, eating food Hunk made them and generally enjoying each other's company. Shiro found himself, ninety-eight percent of the time, blissfully distracted.   

However, there was that small window of opportunity that always left his heart aching, no matter how little time he’s spent dwelling on it.  

It usually happens when he’s in bed, ready to attempt to sleep. Sleep doesn’t come easy to him anymore—Hasn’t for a very long time, so this was always his moment of weakness. He tries to go over how his day was, think of things he’d have to do the following day—anything to keep his mind busy, but it never lasts long. 

It always starts with wondering how he’s doing. Shiro’s been through the ringer quite a few times, so he figures Adam is, by comparison, doing pretty good. He’s probably been promoted once or twice at this point—Adam was kind of an over achiever like that—so he’ll be busy, like Shiro. Dealing with cadets with a firm, but assuring tone—He dealt with Shiro long enough to learn how to put up with unruly kids, so Shiro knows he’s doing a good job with them… 

Next, he starts to wonder how much has changed with him, personally rather than professionally. He wonders if he still has those same cat eye glasses. He never cared for them, so maybe he has new ones now. Mature ones, as Adam would say. He wonders if he’s taller—He was always taller than Shiro when they were growing up, but maybe that’d change now? He’s probably lost all the baby fat in his face; his jaw would be much more structured and… 

This is where Shiro finds himself in a hole that he can’t escape until sleep suddenly hits him over the head in a moment of mercy. His jaw, his skin, his eyes—His pretty eyes, always hidden behind his glasses he hated. Shiro could always tell what Adam’s mood was just by looking into his eyes. He’d never admit it, but he was something of an open book, at least to Shiro. 

He remembers a time when Adam was Shiro’s most favorite book to read.  

He remembers how quick to anger Adam was and how quicker he was to melt in Shiro’s arms when he said just the right thing to him. He recalls how loud his laugh was—Something that embarrassed him greatly, though Shiro found charming and adorable. He remembers the only time Adam ever crying in front of him was when Shiro got down on one knee and proposed to him. Shiro will never forget how he felt that day—So nervous and excited, thinking it would be the biggest moment of his life. 

Well, he’s not about to discredit it, but he feels like saving the universe might rival a proposal.  

His heart had fluttered and jumped when Adam said yes. He barely even hesitated—Called Shiro an idiot though tears he was trying to hide and said yes before throwing himself at him. Shiro’s back hit the ground and Adam had accidentally kneed him in the process, giving Shiro a pretty bruise, but none of that matters to him then. He remembers being happy. 

God they were so _happy_. Happy and ready to take on the world.  

And then he got sick, and Shiro remembers everything slowly falling apart.    
   
He remembers it started with him not able to grasp things as firmly sometimes. They assumed he wasn’t paying attention when doing daily activities. Shiro had started to notice it happen more frequently but kept it to himself. He didn’t think it was a big deal. It wasn’t until he dropped some plates on their kitchen floor with his hand dangling that Adam realized something was wrong. Shiro could barely move his hand for an hour after the incident before finally regaining the ability. Adam dragged him to the doctor the next day, which is where they were told Shiro was sick.    
   
Shiro didn’t remember a whole lot of that appointment. Just that sooner, rather than later, he was going to lose the ability to use his body. That terrified him to his very core, the idea of never being able to do anything by himself, lose all sense of independence and...   
   
He recalls Adam didn’t skip a beat when told the news. He started talking to the doctor about what they could do, how to take the next steps. It’s probably why Shiro didn’t remember a whole lot of that day. He was too busy looking at Adam, thinking about him—about how willing he was to drop everything to take care of Shiro.   
   
He appreciated it, but Shiro didn’t want his fiancé to become his caretaker. Shiro had plans for them—They were going to work together, go to space together, travel the world—Go on adventures. They weren’t supposed to... wait around as Shiro loses parts of his body to an illness as Adam feeds him his food, washes him and...   
   
That’s not how he wanted them to live their lives.    
   
But Adam disagreed. He frequently spoke of _wanting_ to take care of Shiro—And while he’s sure he meant that, Shiro didn’t want that for him.   
   
Although it was thanks to Adam that they managed to find out about the bracelet Shiro used to wear. It was new technology at the time, but it slowed down the process of his illness a bit. Adam had spent hours upon hours researching things to try and help Shiro, only cooking him healthy foods, organizing any medicine he had to take, making doctor appointments for him... Shiro felt like his illness was all they worried about and he hated it.   
   
He didn’t want to sit around and waste away. If he only had a few short years to live the life he wanted, he was going to live it fast.    
   
He climbed up the ranks quickly then—taking on missions that were, as Adam would say, dangerous and foolhardy. But Shiro always came out on top, and it wasn’t long before his reputation at the Garrison grew. He always felt amazing and immortal during those missions.   
   
But his relationship with Adam started to hit the rocks. Adam hated that he was running around and throwing himself head first into these missions. He thought he was being reckless and was going to get himself killed. They had a lot of arguments about it—Shiro felt like Adam just didn’t understand that Shiro wanted to live his best life as much as he could before he was doomed to a life of being in a damn chair.   
   
Looking back on it now, as he lay in his bed with white hair, scars all over his body and short one human arm, he feels Adam may have had a good reason to worry.   
   
And while he doesn’t like to admit it, he may have to acknowledge, at this point, Shiro was being selfish.    
   
At the end of the day...He knows Adam cared. Cared more than anyone about what happened to Shiro—Hell, he cared more than Shiro did. That’s why they faught so much. Adam cared, and Shiro didn’t.    
   
When Shiro took the Kerberos mission without talking to Adam about it, he knew he wouldn’t be happy about it—And he wasn’t. They argued about it for days, weeks.   
   
“Don’t expect me to be here when you get back.”   
   
Those words rang in Shiro’s mind since Adam spoke it. Since they were cadets, Shiro was always with Adam—For him to say that he won’t be by his side anymore... It was hard to picture. He wasn’t sure if that was Adams way of breaking up with him, but for his sake, he had to assume it was and let go.  

The day he was scheduled leave Earth, Shiro left his engagement ring on Adam’s bedside table.   
   
He didn’t get to say good bye. Shiro isn’t sure if Adam even watched him take off from afar.    
   
Shiro felt angry at the time—angrier then he may have realized, but he was also hurt and conflicted. If he died in space, that would be the last Adam saw of him and the last way they spoke to each other. Shiro was frustrated with him for letting things end that way. He felt vindicated—He'll show Adam how amazing he is. He’ll go on this mission and prove he can do it and live to tell the tale.    
   
Now, well.... Shiro was just sad.    
   
He wishes he explained himself differently—Was more open with Adam about how he felt about his sickness, what he wanted to do... Maybe they would have left each other on better terms. Maybe Shiro would still have his engagement ring on his left hand.      
   
Adam said that he wouldn’t be waiting for him when he gets back.... Shiro sometimes wonders if he’s dating anyone new, but he can’t allow himself to think about that too long. His heart gets filled up with jealousy he has no right to have. While Adam told him he wouldn’t be waiting for him, Shiro is the one who left. Adam would have stayed with him if he hadn’t gone...   
   
He really has no one to blame but himself.   
   
They have a plan to eventually reach Earth within a few months, and Shiro hasn’t figured out what he’s going to, what he’s going to say when he sees Adam again. Will Adam be happy? Will he be indifferent? Angry? Would he cry? He might not cry, but he might be annoyed at Shiro, seeing how he crash landed on Earth and rushed right back into space for another year. He might ignore Shiro—hell, he might not be at the Garrison anymore. Well, he'll probably still be there, he thinks.   
   
Regardless, he’ll have to be ready for anything.   
   
But he wonders, if Shiro chooses his words right—maybe gets on his knees and begs a little—if Adam would consider...starting over. He might not...but maybe they can try to be friends again, at the very least. Shiro was never able to shake off how much he truly missed him. He feels like Adam might miss him too, at least a little.   
   
Shiro’s eyes start to get a little heavy—He wonders how long he’s been in bed now, thinking about this. His final thought before sleep finally takes him is remembering how easy it used to be falling sleep, when he had Adam tucked into his side.   
   
If luck smiles on Shiro, just this once, maybe he’ll have chance to get that back.

**Author's Note:**

> This was a one shot but now its gonna be a series oops


End file.
